:the tyranny of time:

I didn't post on Wednesday as per usual because of the issue I'm going to go into now; the lack of (free) time.

I recently unearthed some old journal entries of mine, from the early 90s. I started writing pretty regularly in 1992. It's clear from what I wrote then that I was mostly angry and frustrated, partially from the atmosphere that I felt trapped in, but also because of the lack of time to do what I really wanted, namely create art. That much hasn't changed, even if the world now has a lot more distractions. I only "discovered" the internet around 1993 or so, and that required a dial-up modem. Be glad if you've never had to depend on that method. But even then I could see the pull of it.

I voiced a lot of the struggle to create the artwork, get it seen or sold, or to actually find a job that utilized my actual talents. I've lost track of how many places that I applied to! Possibly why I don't try as hard now, although job searching is an entirely different world now too.

That said, the main purpose should be just be to create the damn artwork, not looking ahead to where it might end up. One unofficial resolution for this year was to produce more, and in that I've technically faltered so far, but what I seem to be doing is little parts of separate projects, and I'm not sure if that's the best method.

My attempts to sell Valentine-themed artwork through Etsy didn't succeed, so I need to further tweak that. The next idea is to further push my Instagram photos. I keep ordering small prints and buying small frames for them.

Progress on the new Homunculus doll has stalled. Trying to decide on what else to do with the face for now. Drastic eye makeup, and maybe an extra eye or two. And even so I spot other dolls and buy and add them to the pile of future ones.

Which is a theme in other creative avenues too. I find or buy things that I think I'll use some day in something. Found some interesting papers that can either be backgrounds or drawn/painted on themselves.

The bones keep piling up.

Haven't done a photoshoot since last spring!! But truthfully I was working on final shots from them for a good portion of this time. And I find things for future shoots, like hanging lights, and surely I can get someone to wear a cat mask or wield a samurai sword.

But the need to reschedule my life so that things get done is still there. Outside distractions are okay as long as they don't sidetrack me too far. I have to literally keep myself out of bookstores, my to-read pile is ridiculous, and am in dire need of another bookcase or two.

:pause for breath:

To be frank, most of this past week's free time has been spent preparing for the photoshoot that I have planned for this upcoming Friday. A fair amount of it has just been monitoring the weather, as I'd prefer to do an outdoor shoot, but we've been getting April showers all during this first week of May. I'm prepared to do it indoors, but, again, not my preference during this (alleged) springtime. I have a nearby location in mind since my time with the model is limited and I don't want to waste any of it in traffic, although I did find a location a few weekends ago that I'd love to use, but is not the easiest place to get to, least of all to someone who I presume has limited knowledge of our roads and drivers. I've offered to do all the driving, but she has refused, claiming to not want to get into a car with a "stranger." I guess I can see her point, but it does make things a bit more inconvenient. Here's hoping that any misgivings that I'm feeling prove to be wrong on Friday, along with nicer weather.

I have started work on other past photos, but just subtle changes so far, in the background.

I have one of those birthdays coming up tomorrow. I'm not ashamed of my age, nor do I feel it, but I also don't feel like announcing it. Let's just say that I'm nearing a certain decade milestone in a few years, and I'd really like to be living a better life by then, so I'm seeing more of a need to map out and plan out how this will happen. Despite my not liking to schedule my life too much, it appears that it'll be necessary to get things done.

:them bones:

A lot of my past weekend was linked to creativity, although nothing much of the sort that I can actually show. Even though, there are still steps forward.

Saturday I went to one of the curiously regular and increasingly popular "oddity" markets that have been happening in the Boston area. The last two that I went to were held in what was basically the lobby of a tattoo shop, so they filled up quickly and the vendors sold out quickly as well. This recent one was held at a larger space, thankfully, that regularly holds such markets, but not of this nature before, namely with many vendors selling such things as skulls, bones and other things that may be thought of as morbid to many, but as I said, it has curiously become popular in this area.

I got a few skulls myself. I don't have a problem, I can quit anytime. Now just to figure out what kind of artwork to make with them. The only amusing thing that I recall about my last apartment being broken into, was wondering what the thieves thought of when they opened up the containers containing all my bones and skulls.

The coyote skull on the right is actually promised to someone else, but how interesting is a photo of just one skull?

Sunday I went to a gathering of photographers in Salem, at the same studio where I did a shoot last year. We showed and critiqued each others' work, which frankly I don't get much of anymore. One can become so close to one's own work that you can't see any issues, if there are any. Mine generally centered around cropping and composition. It's interesting how a part of the photo can draw your eye away from the main subject. Some observations I fought against, but again, sometimes there's tunnel vision and you see nothing wrong.

I'm going to continue working on these photos, probably this one next, but I honestly can't imagine changing much of it.

I'm also awaiting word on a gallery show that I submitted work to. That is still one of the goals of this year, more gallery shows, but here we are at the Ides of March already, so focus focus focus.

:wax and wane:

In the continuing archaeology of my belongings, I came across a cache of prints, a 1990 calendar, and other ephemera from the music label 4AD, or more specifically their design arm known as 23 Envelope and eventually just v23. Like the label name itself, I don't think it has any deep meaning.

Back in The Day, mainly from the mid-80s through most of the 90s, they released some truly unique music, and the packaging was no less so. I can honestly say that I bought many of their releases without having any idea what the music sounded like, based solely on the cover art. I don't recall any disappointments, although they did seem to slide into indie-rock territory by the mid-90s, not a bad thing, just not what I was used to from them.

It's difficult to think of a band like Cocteau Twins without the accompanying imagery. And for a band called Lush, both the music and artwork was as well. Sometimes it was quite abstract but even the ones with clearer imagery had an otherworldly tint to them. Which is something that I think is becoming lost in the current age, first the imagery shrinking down to CD box size, then to even tinier, if any artwork at all, for all-digital releases. I suppose the resurgence of vinyl gives some hope, though I've never favored it, but then there's also the growing absence of actual stores in which to peruse the albums themselves. A local retail chain saddens me when with each successive visit, I see the music section has been shrinking smaller and smaller.

It's also worth noting that most of the 4AD work was done pre-digital, or at the very dawn of it, when the process was much slower and more expensive. One had to use film and wait to see the results that developed. It's interesting to read what appeared to be something unearthly was often the most mundane materials. The cover of the "Lonely is An Eyesore" compilation is nothing more than the actual flatbed of the camera setup where surely other covers were created on.

Album art definitely inspired me, and I certainly dreamed of creating some of my own. I found many copies of album covers in my old art files. I did manage to create a few CD covers for real, but not for any major labels.

When choosing shots for Instagram, I seem to largely vary between landscapes and close-up textures. This most recent one below reminded me of the 4AD style and sent me off on the reverie above.

:layered:

Amongst other things that I have going on, like reducing my apartment clutter bit by bit, and an inexplicable pain in one of my knees, I'm still managing to get some creative time in, which is as it should be. Like the last piece that I created, I once again practiced working on some photos offered for use by someone on deviantArt. I'm finding it to be a different experience working on photos that I didn't take or am emotionally attached to, although I will return to those soon enough.

I'm still drawn to working in layers, making several photographs relate to each other in some way. I was instantly attracted to the skirts in these.

Also like my last piece, I wanted to add a texture over it all, and am torn between the two versions below. I'm sure I'll decide before too long, but once again I welcome any input. Or maybe I just want to see if the comment section actually works on here.

I've also been pondering making another Instagram account just for works in progress, even though that's what this blog is partially for, but there's no denying that that site/app gets more eyeballs than here. I also need to just get off my ass and finish my main website already. I just get frozen by the too many options available. I can always fine tune it later. So if I stick to that plan, I may not be on here as much if it takes up the time that I normally use to write here or create the artwork that I write about. But I also plan to return to the Boston chapter of Dr. Sketchy's this weekend, so I'll probably have work to show from that. Coincidentally it's on Valentine's Day, but I have no reason to celebrate that this year.

:borrowing:

In this new year thus far, I'm finding myself staying in more on weekend nights rather than wandering about as is my usual habit, although winter and the early sunsets tend to make it easier to stay in. Yet we did have a few nice ones this past weekend.

Part of the need to stay in is that I'm neither going to improve my art nor make the art itself if I'm not here to do it. Ideally I'd be going off to some separate, quiet studio to do this art, but if wishes were horses...I'd probably be mucking out the stables.

Speaking of the new year, it's now the Chinese New Year, and Year of the Monkey at that. Thanks to my birthdate I'm a monkey too, so one hopes that this is "my year" in some way. My flickr name is cuttingmonkey for that reason. I haven't yet decided if I'm going to chase the lions with my camera in Chinatown like I've done nearly every year. I believe it's on Feb. 14th this year, and I'm not yet sure of my other possible plans. None of which so far involve the other reason people celebrate that day. That said, plug plug plug for my Valentine Card on Etsy.

One thing deviantArt is known for is a large amount of stock photos and textures that people allow for use, and I can't recall the last time when I've used anyone else's artwork to any great extent, so recently I downloaded some just for something different.

I chose a few shots of and by a model/dancer who goes by the name of Mahafsoun, and I've certainly seen her photos pop up before. I wouldn't mind her in front of my own camera some day, but this'll have to do for now.

I'm trying to get back into layers and textures this year, so I used this as some practice. Nothing too complex, just combined the photos into one, to make a triple goddess of some sort, and I named this after Hecate, who I believe fits that description.

I went through my various own photos for a background, and a texture to go over it. I've gone back and forth over which version I prefer, leaning more towards the top one. What do you think?

:serious moonlight:

Any news this week has pretty much been eclipsed by the unexpected (to us) death of David Bowie. Mere days after his 69th birthday and the release of what is now his final album, he succumbed to a long battle with cancer that the general public was unaware of. He had actually been away for the better part of a decade, with all the public rumors and fabrications sure to go along with such an absence, then from out of nowhere he releases two of his strongest albums in years, which go on to become his epitaph, even more so now, and we listen to the words and look at the images of his last videos and think, now, well of course. For example people are theorizing that the dead astronaut in the "Blackstar" video represents Major Tom, which brings us to a conclusion from his first major hit song of decades ago.

I've pondered why one should be so affected by the death of one who's not a relation or even anyone I had ever met, but someone online today put it into focus; "we don't cry because we knew them, we cry because they helped us know ourselves." His life itself was art, and now even his death proved to be so, with the music, lyrics and images he left for us at the end. I can only hope to leave such a legacy or make such an exit.

It of course also reminds one of mortality. I still have so much to do. I am pleased that I pretty much spent the Sunday before I heard the news either working on writing or photography. As near as I recall I've never done any artwork of or inspired by Bowie, but ideas are swirling about. The fact that he so often referenced space and the moon is at the forefront of my mind now.

The aforementioned photography was shots from the late summer photoshoot that I was a part of. Again I think the shots as they are now stand fine on their own, but this year I want to get back to textures and such that I used to work with before on my photos.

The first half of the shoot took place indoors in a garage area, and it brought to my mind the old pin-up calendars that were most likely to be found in auto repair shops. For all I know they still make them. But I wanted to make my new ones look like the old ones, with faded colors and some damage. I'm guessing most calendars aren't treated as high art, least of all in a garage.

So I searched down some old images online, and used the match color adjustment in Photoshop. I also hunted down some damaged paper texture to overlay over them as well. You can see the before and after below.

Appropriately enough I chose twelve images to work from, here are a few more.

:textured:

Been working on shots from the recent photoshoot pretty steadily, at a good pace. Three done so far, as you'll see below, with bonus black bars for your "protection." 

I'm pleased that I'm not changing much from the original shots other than a little tweaking here and there. I've also returned to a style that I used to do more of, that of putting textures over the photos. The way that they lined up unintentionally in some areas was interesting too. I used to go out in the past with a camera with the intent of photographing intriguing textures to use in works later. This was the era of film so I had to wait until they were developed to see if they were still interesting. It may be time for another texture hunt, of course it'll be much easier in this digital age.

Another reason for the relative quickness of this series is to try and not treat each piece like a precious jewel and spend forever working on them. I'm not saying that I'm rushing through them, but I am learning to let things go or stop sooner than I used to.

I started reading a book that I saw in a store window on a whim that aids in this way of thinking; "Don't Make Art, Just Make Something," which pretty much says it all in the title. As ever the most important thing, like in many parts of life and not just art, is to just start.

:timelines:

This past week I saw the documentary "Jodorowsky's Dune," which is about the filmmaker's failed attempt to make that movie in the mid-70s. Partly the reason it failed was that Hollywood wasn't willing to let it be made. Then and just like today, the non-creative types run the industry. It was inspiring to see his creative method, the lengths he went through to get the actors (John Carradine! Salvador Dali! Orson Welles! Mick Jagger!) and artists (Moebius! HR Giger! Pink Floyd!), and in particular to me, that he did this at the same age I am now, so I find that encouraging. I feel that I have so much more art to create in this lifetime.

Also this past week somebody I know filmed me for this project they're doing on artists and their thoughts and methods. If it isn't too embarrassing to look at when it's done I'm sure I'll post something here. It was pretty stream of consciousness as far as questions went, although one sticks with me that I hadn't given too much thought too before. In asking about what I choose to depict in my art, I generally lean towards the imaginary, as far from reality as can be, or just over the edge. I never really thought much about it, just like I don't think about doing this at all, it's just what I feel compelled to do, which is why when I have long spells of nothing it's quite distressing.

I also said that I'm always seeking out new ideas (or unearthing old ones in sketchbooks), so I believe that part of my 2014 project, to finish one artwork a month, has something to do with that, as my current one is a pin-up type (digital) painting and that's not my usual subject matter.

As said last week, I took a shot from my photoshoot from last August and decided to use that as the basis for it. I think that the original is good on its own but has more unwanted background elements than I care to spend time erasing.

I was originally going to try doing it in Painter but that program doesn't seem to be working with my computer anymore, so it seems that an OS X upgrade is ever more inevitable in my future. These new tools are fantastic until they don't work. A pencil only needs to get resharpened. So back to trusty old Photoshop. Some re-learning of what the tools do and still getting used to using a tablet to do it, but I think it's started out well. At my current pace I should be done in time, although I anticipate taking longer on the face, if only to make sure it comes out right. I'm not tracing the photo per se, but it is on a lower layer for reference. I show it here so you can see what I've done so far, but not just a floating torso. That'd be just weird.

:2013 rewind:

2013 was, thankfully, a lot more of a creative year than 2012, and, frankly, many of  the years before that as well. I feel that I still need more "recovery" and the atmosphere that I live in is still less than ideal, but, more goals for the coming year then, although, as often stated, I don't really make New Year's resolutions, and certainly not out loud, but I do try to check on myself each new month instead.

So one goal that was met for 2013 was the Sketch-a-Day book that I started on Jan. 1st. I ended up with 361 days filled, so I missed a few, but I seem to recall them being for good reasons, or at least taken up by other creative ventures. I'll probably review it for next week's entry.

I participated in a few gallery shows, to varying degrees. I hope to be part of more, so put that down as a goal for the coming year as well. I had high hopes for the RAW art show that I was a part of, but I left it feeling that it was an interesting experience and there's always a good thing about "exposure," but for the time and especially the money I put into it, not a good return on my investment.

I unearthed a fair amount of old artwork and sketchbooks, and will probably continue to do so, to see if any old ideas can finally come to fruition. Some things, I've found, have to remain dormant for years before they finally make sense to me.

I continue to take a camera everywhere with me, just in case something catches my eye. Instagram has started to take over the more candid shots, but that's mainly when I want to upload something instantly, or just want to play with the filters that it has.

I went to Dr. Sketchy's twice in the past year, hopefully I'll attend more often than that this year, it really is an interesting twist on the whole figure drawing thing. And I honestly haven't found a "normal" session locally in years.

I had two awesome model photoshoots after too many years of none. I made mistakes, surely, and a lot of them were corrected later, but I feel that I've learned and won't make the same ones again. Plus I've been taking an online course to learn more about the areas that I'm lacking in. Here's hoping I can persuade others to work with me, as I've stated before, I sadly have a history of people flaking out on me.



And I completed another Homunculus doll, again, after many years of not doing so.

So, despite stating not making a list of goals above, here are some for the coming year: more gallery shows, more photoshoots, learning to use the Wacom tablet, learn Adobe Illustrator,  and update the damn website already. I was thinking of just doing a Wordpress gallery. Any advice in that area would be most welcome!

:photomancy:

Working away at more photos from last month's photoshoot, I think I'm nearing the end of the "basic" shots, then I'll see if I can do further things with them like I normally did with photos in the past. Again, there was no concept here so I'll have to create one.

Once again I'm pleased that I'm able to "recover" some of these shots due to some bad lighting in the beginning of the shoot, but the ultimate goal is fewer mistakes of course. I like that I was able to bring half of this shot out of darkness, but I'm still not completely pleased with the tones. Maybe it looks better in black & white?

 

But I have no such problems with these other two:

I have just finished reading "Just Kids" by Patti Smith, which is about her life with Robert Mapplethorpe, and it's heartbreaking because you know how it ends, with his early death ( like Patrick Nagel, who I've talked about before, in his early 40s. ), but also very touching in how their lives stayed entwined through so many changes, and it's also very much about living life as an artist. I found it equally inspiring and frustrating, because while they certainly had their struggles, it also appeared that they were often in the right place at the right time, people seemed to just give them things or opportunities, and this sort of thing still eludes me. Or just to find people who "understand" what I'm doing with my art, even if I'm still trying to figure it out myself.

A lot of it has to do with personality of course; it was clear from her story that Mapplethorpe charmed more than he frightened, despite his often controversial subject matter, and it didn't hurt that his main patron was also his longtime companion. Do patrons even exist anymore? Can I get one please? Or I just have to get a personality transplant. I feel that I have improved somewhat, but I think some people still make wrong assumptions about me without ever really knowing me, and I've made forays out into the art "world," but a lot of it seems more like a performance than real life. Some people's lives are their art, and that's okay I guess, but I can't compete with that.