Thursday, April 27, 2017

:holding pattern:

I continue to try and figure out my creative path from here on in, after weeks of often thinking "why bother," which I'm sure makes for riveting reading on this blog. While I don't think a complete hiatus would help me, I think I may have to work on some "behind the scenes" projects for awhile, after I finish up the first edits from the Asha & Hex photoshoot and send them off to them. Any further work on those will be...further on.

The projects I'm thinking of are the long-overdue redesign of my website, putting more work up on Etsy, and trying for more gallery shows, using artwork that I've already made. I'm also going to be selling artwork at my workplace again this upcoming Tuesday, and so will pay attention to what sells. Again I'll be leaving the "freakier" pieces at home.

I'll still have some sort of camera on me at all times, to catch what moments that I can while out and about. The springtime green is slowly creeping back into our world, which sucks for allergies but good riddance to the grey, miserable winter. Looking forward to finding new places in nature within the coming months.

Thursday, April 20, 2017

:dead calm:

Perhaps it's part of the weird mood that I've found myself in the past few weeks, but lately I'm finding that the longer I work on artwork, the less enthused I am with it, and just want to move on to something new. More incentive to learn to work faster. The photoshoot that I did with Asha & Hex is now a month past, and I've finally gone through all the shots and narrowed them down, with well over 175 decent ones. At this point I just want to clean them up a bit and send them off to the models, and hope that they like them. As for any weird Photoshoppery, I'll look at them a bit later on from now and see if I want to do any. No ideas are currently leaping out at me.

A change of media often helps, so I'll return to the new Homunculus doll and see if I can't finish it within the month.

Thursday, April 13, 2017

:stranger days:

I didn't write on Wednesday as I normally do, as I didn't feel in the right state of mind and it would've devolved into self-pity. I'm not at 100% tonight, but have a better perspective than yesterday. And honestly? The advent of Spring sticking around might help, because even for a self-described night person like myself, I probably do need the daylight. I was taking vitamin D supplements during the doldrums of Winter, but stopped because I felt I wouldn't need to anymore, but some of the funk I've felt in the past few weeks could possibly be attributed to that, so I may as well go back on it for a bit more.

I finished this drawing the past weekend, and to be frank, I certainly could've done it all in one day, if I were in control of all the hours of my days. It seems to be the case that when I work on a piece for a long time, and am really happy with the end result, the lack of much response to it brings me a bit down. So do I need to work more quickly? Or place less importance on the need for outside acceptance? But I think parts of our current society place a lot more emphasis on this, and on near-instant reactions at that. Click those hearts and thumbs up icons and we're as happy as lab rats pushing the buttons for more food.

Been working continuously on the shots from the Asha & Hex photoshoot, and at least they seem appreciative of what I've shown them so far, more than I can say for a few of my past models. Here's a few more glances. Again at this point I may just leave them as they are, no weird Photoshoppery. Yet.

I'm also glad that I always have some sort of camera on me, to capture moments like these.

Wednesday, April 5, 2017

:crisis of faith:

Little steps this past week; started really looking at the shots from the photoshoot with Asha & Hex. I'm still pleased that there's very few corrections needed. I'm not sure if I'll be altering them much further, to be honest. I seem to do that more with outdoor shots than studio ones with a plain backdrop. Again, the need to think about actual concepts for shoots. Some came to mind recently. I also noticed that the new lens I used captures a lot of detail, maybe a bit too much if it's a super close shot. No need to see every pore! But again, I'm not a fan of the android-smooth skin that all these retouchers that keep contacting me looking for work seem to be into.

In the home stretch on this drawing, too. I probably could've finished it last night but I really wanted to get some headway on the photos.

I've gone deep into my head lately about the whole art thing and the possible futility of it, as least as a means to an end. It's something I've done for as long as I can remember and I believe that I want to keep on doing it, but sometimes I wonder at the real purpose, beyond some hard to define drive. Which is also a problem for me in writing out artist statements, a requirement for galleries and such, when often all I want to say is I make these, use your eyes and figure out what it means to you.

But beyond pleasing myself, I'm not seeing much return investment from the outside world. Our wired world has increased the amount of visual imagery available many times over, and it's more difficult than ever to catch someone's attention, and even then, getting some sort of acknowledgement beyond a thumbs up or a heart icon. This blog has been set up for comments from the very beginning, by the way.

I think of this as more than a hobby, that was proven to me when my last living situation was so awful that I hardly created anything and that made it feel even worse. But I don't treat it as a business either, and have actually been "warned" about that from some other writers and artists. There has to be some way to be appreciated, even "compensated" for one's actual talents. But I've not been one to follow trends just to make a buck. One hopes to be recognized and maybe rewarded for having their own style.

That was a whole lot of rambling that I'm not sure made my point any clearer, for you or me. All I can say for now is that there was a lot of "why bother?" in my thoughts this past week, but I'm still not ready to quit.