:crisis of faith:

Little steps this past week; started really looking at the shots from the photoshoot with Asha & Hex. I'm still pleased that there's very few corrections needed. I'm not sure if I'll be altering them much further, to be honest. I seem to do that more with outdoor shots than studio ones with a plain backdrop. Again, the need to think about actual concepts for shoots. Some came to mind recently. I also noticed that the new lens I used captures a lot of detail, maybe a bit too much if it's a super close shot. No need to see every pore! But again, I'm not a fan of the android-smooth skin that all these retouchers that keep contacting me looking for work seem to be into.

In the home stretch on this drawing, too. I probably could've finished it last night but I really wanted to get some headway on the photos.

I've gone deep into my head lately about the whole art thing and the possible futility of it, as least as a means to an end. It's something I've done for as long as I can remember and I believe that I want to keep on doing it, but sometimes I wonder at the real purpose, beyond some hard to define drive. Which is also a problem for me in writing out artist statements, a requirement for galleries and such, when often all I want to say is I make these, use your eyes and figure out what it means to you.

But beyond pleasing myself, I'm not seeing much return investment from the outside world. Our wired world has increased the amount of visual imagery available many times over, and it's more difficult than ever to catch someone's attention, and even then, getting some sort of acknowledgement beyond a thumbs up or a heart icon. This blog has been set up for comments from the very beginning, by the way.

I think of this as more than a hobby, that was proven to me when my last living situation was so awful that I hardly created anything and that made it feel even worse. But I don't treat it as a business either, and have actually been "warned" about that from some other writers and artists. There has to be some way to be appreciated, even "compensated" for one's actual talents. But I've not been one to follow trends just to make a buck. One hopes to be recognized and maybe rewarded for having their own style.

That was a whole lot of rambling that I'm not sure made my point any clearer, for you or me. All I can say for now is that there was a lot of "why bother?" in my thoughts this past week, but I'm still not ready to quit.