:doldrums:

Even though I spent the majority of the weekend scouring thrift and consignment shops for props for an upcoming photoshoot (for starters I'm looking for an "interesting" chair), I am disappointed that I have nothing really to show, other than a few shots of winter's continuing grasp on us, even with today being a scorching 50 degrees.

Maybe this foreverwinter is affecting me, but I'm dismayed at my lack of productivity this year so far. The ideas are there, I can see them in my head, and there are plenty of sketchbooks full, but something is not getting my arse in gear and producing. Lists of what to do don't help, though I continue to make them. Little notes of inspiring or intimidating quote soon become part of the background.

Too many distractions? Perhaps. No, definitely. I've always been a voracious reader (bought way too many books at the afore-mentioned thrift shops), so I don't see that as a bad distraction. The internet, definitely, even when I start out with a worthy goal in mind, soon you're tumbling down various rabbit holes. Attempts to quit cold turkey usually fail. I've cut back a lot on several culprits, but this is a part of our lives now. How much of it we let take prominence is the tricky part. I see many not giving up any resistance and swear not to be the same, but sometimes it seems like I just want to get over-stimulated with images, sound and information.

I've been contemplating, trying to figure out where it changed for me. My younger days, so much of my life was spent in creating. And it was just the joy of making it, or following the urge that I still can't describe except when it's denied me. Part of it now I think is "reward" and recognition. Sure I liked when my artwork got attention and praise, even more if somebody wanted to buy it, but when did that become the more important thing? It has no worth unless it gets "likes" on Facebork or it sells? Yes, I like all these things, but it shouldn't be the only thing.

Somehow, I need to get back to just the joy of creation. Which is partially why I started writing this blog. I think I get too impatient for the finished result, which is probably why I lean more towards photography now. I think, as I stated recently, that I need to return to more traditional media, like pencils or paint. We'll see what I come up with by next week.