:nothing but time:

Where does the time go? When it's governed by whatever you do to ensure you're not homeless, ie The Dayjob, it's very precious indeed. Before I know it, it's time for my enforced bedtime, that is if I don't want to fall asleep on my way to work or gawd forbid at work itself. Why haven't we evolved beyond needing sleep, while I'm at it?

New month, new chance to get back on the path, as I try to see it. I was messing around with my criminally underutilized Wacom tablet tonight. The act of drawing on it while looking at a screen takes a little getting used to. That and using pressure on the stylus without fearing that I'll break it.

So, tutorials for that, and a Photoshop CS3 book to get through. I intend to learn the entire CS3 creative suite. I know CS5 is due out any day now, but, fuck it. I could afford a new car before I could afford that. But having the shiniest and newest doesn't necessarily equal skill. I still get camera envy, but, I intend to master the cameras that I DO have before getting a new one - I have a book for that as well - but will try to keep one eye out for a bargain if one appears. All this while trying to find a new apartment, one where I can create in peace.

:just dood it:

As I continue to crawl out from my creative doldrums, I ponder how I got there in the first place (aside from bad jobs, roommates and neighbors distracting me from the creative process). Of course I didn't need to force myself to create when I was younger, and not even when I moved to Boston, though that was when it started to get more difficult to find enough time to do it in. I think it somehow centers around whenever I started caring more about "fame and fortune" than the act of creativity itself. And since I've only gotten small amounts of either, maybe I started to believe what I create was worthless, if people don't "want" it. Well, this has to stop.

I still need to find a better place to create in, but I can't just stop what I should be doing until that happens. I'm unfortunately wearing headphones pretty much the whole time I am home now, but better to hear music I like than slamming doors or screaming grandchildren.

I've been reading a book called "Living the Creative Life" that's helping to inspire me. A lot of it is obvious stuff, and a lot of the artists interviewed seem to do folksy craftsy stuff (nothing wrong with that but I can't relate - I know my subject matter tends not to be mainstream), but the process is often the same. And one of the more important things is to Just DO Something, even if there's no project or Big Idea. One way I'm trying to do this is by drawing in my sketchbook more, to fill a page a day. Even though they are generally for my eyes only, I tend to obsess a bit too much on what should be rough ideas and drawings. Just DRAW.

I also have books and tutorials to get through, on the many programs I should know by now, and better knowledge of my cameras. I sometimes get camera envy, seeing yokels with a big digital SLR around their necks, taking pictures of nothing, but I know it's not the camera, it's the photographer. I know I've gotten some damn good shots with my little point and shoot. I'd just like a bit more "power," I guess. And it'd be tough to be taken seriously with a little camera whenever I get back to doing photoshoots.

Back at it.

:forward into the past 14:

...then came The Computer.

When I was in art school, They couldn't afford Macs, so they used...Amigas. Which would've been great if I was going to look for work in Europe at the time. Alas, it didn't do me much good job-wise in the States. Still trying to catch up, due to the expense of Adobe programs, which are pretty much required for any creative jobs. I'm just starting on CS3...CS5 is due out any day now. Sigh.

That said, I definitely found all the new things I could do fascinating. Can't believe my hand survived drawing with the mouse, and only now am I attempting to convert to a drawing tablet.

My work from here on is pretty much on my main website, but I shall continue to dig for older work...providing they aren't too embarrassing to show.

:forward into the past 13:

I often entertained thoughts of making art for people instead of buying gifts; sometimes I actually managed to do it in time for birthdays or Xmas. For Xmas 1996 I actually made a different card for each person. I can't imagine doing that now, and that's quite distressing.

This is a scan of a photocopy of a colored pencil drawing, so I'd say a fair amount of detail is lost here.

:forward into the past 12:

I spent most of my formative years drawing a lot, but very little of it involved humans for some odd reason. I think I'm still getting the hang of it. I try to get to figure drawing sessions when I can, but drawing from my head, I sometimes feel like I'm drawing the same person or face or eyes.

This was from 1991, for some gallery show about Muses. This was supposed to be Melpomene, Muse of tragedy.

:forward into the past 11:

I went to a LOT of concerts in the 90s. I also did my best at photographing at many of them, often using the photos as the basis for drawings that went along with my show reviews in 'zines. This was from a Julee Cruise show, which of course happened at the height of the "Twin peaks" craze. Even without the TV show, I loved the album "Floating into the Night." I wore out my original cassette of it.

This is scratchboard based on a photo I took at the show.

:forward into the past 10:

Here's what I put on top of my graduation cap (gulp, 20 freakin' years ago), using just cut paper. At least I wasn't an architecture student, they had buildings balancing on their heads.